Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
