My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
