Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
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