im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
