You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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