He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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