I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
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Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
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well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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