another moral hangover. fuck.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
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I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
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He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize