there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize