Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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