After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
