Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
