just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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