Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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