I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
