honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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