let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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