You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
