So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
