the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
