You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
