So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
you never un-have a 4some
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
