You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
