Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
