i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
