shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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