I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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