You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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