Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
