Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
