no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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