dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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