i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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