a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
