also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize