Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
