she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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