If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
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Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Is it penis luge time yet?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
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When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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