Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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