And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
