Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
