So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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