I faked an abortion last night.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
