Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
