You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
