Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
