How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
