brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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