What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
