and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Success! We fucked roommates!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
