so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
