the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
