So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
