He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You smell like stripper and shame
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
