went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
