You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
