ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
