I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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