im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
