You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
