We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
