The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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