Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
