You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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