thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm at about main and main street
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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