She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
