im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
