I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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