fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
