why didn't you poke me back
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
