You just made me feel so damn special
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
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Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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