remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Non-Jews are for practice
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
