maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
