i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
